It’s never ideal when a family suffers hardships. This past month was filled with challenging times for me and my family. But through those challenging times I learned, yet again, the strength of my family. I also learned the depth of my friendships.
First, my dad was having some cardiac issues. He went to his doctor who referred him to his cardiologist. He was ordered in for an angioplasty the following day which revealed that he had 3 blockages that required 3 stents to be put in to open the blockages. He was only in the hospital for one night but it was still a scary ordeal.
Meanwhile, a few weeks before this, after a few years of trying, my husband and I found out we were expecting. We were thrilled, but at the same time I was terrified because right from the beginning I was having complications. Each day I would start out so positive and then by the end of the day I would be crying myself to sleep. I had ultrasound and doctors appointments and some were hopeful.
Until the week after my dads health scare, things got really bad and I had a miscarriage.
It was devastating. Yet, at the same time, the depletion of my anxiety was somewhat of a relief. I mean, of course I wasn’t relieved to lose our baby. It was just the anxiety that had set in that was taking over my life. I was paralyzed. I didn’t cook dinner. I stopped making plans with friends. I was always in a daze of being terrified. I couldn’t sleep yet I never wanted to leave my bed.
As I look back on that time, and the time right after my miscarriage it saddens me. But at the same time it gives me hope.
The next time I hope I will have a pregnancy that is exciting and not terrifying. One that will end with me being a mom.
And as one of my dear friends reminded me, we had created a soul that will live for all eternity and will greet me in heaven when the time comes.
And while hardships on a family are not ideal, the residual flowers help keep the hope and love alive.
Love to you all.