In the throes of infertility, I mostly focus on getting pregnant, and staying pregnant, and the minutia of it all. Taking daily temperature, taking medicine, counting calories, and charting ovulation.
It’s hard to look beyond that point for fear that it will never happen.
However, once in a while, I allow myself to day dream about a day when I am a mom.
And as hard as we are trying, and as badly as we want it…that thought often overwhelms and terrifies me.
It’s so much pressure. There are so many things to think about.
Self esteem, making friends, surviving school, playing sports, not playing sports…
But, then, there are other times when I think to myself… “I got this.”
I think that being a mom is something I can do.
I find I approach the prospect of motherhood like I approach my teaching. I like to borrow, or some may say steal, ideas from other good role models. And I have so many. My friends are all such great moms. Really great moms.
I will see things here and there, and think,
“I want to be like that when I have kids.”
“I want to do that, when I have kids.”
I wanted to write about one of my favorite things I see in my school parking lot. It is at the end of the day, when I am doing the dreaded parking lot duty, making sure all of the kids make it to their cars safely. I teach 5th and 6th grade, so this duty isn’t actually too bad.
During this time, there is one particular family I love to watch.
As the kids from this family walk to their mini van, their mom’s whole face lights up with joy.
Her mouth smiles, her eyes light up, and her whole face just looks happy.
Every single day.
And then, if you look at the kids faces’, they mirror her expression. They are just as excited to be reunited with her at the end of the day.
It is pure joy.
And I love it.
Every single time I see this event, I think to myself.
Now, THAT is the kind of mom that I want to be.