Just wanted to update on things that have been swirling through my mind.
Going on Lexapro has been a game changer for me. I am actually enjoying life. I am reminded almost every day ways in which the Lexapro helps my brain from sabotaging my happiness. I no longer obsess over things that have happened. I no longer feel like sitting on my couch all day. I no longer feel like social events are scary. I no longer lose my shit when the day doesn’t go as I had mentally planned. I am actively engaged in my life. I can have meaningful conversations. My attention span is longer. And for the first time in years I am joyful at my job enjoying the parts I love instead of stressing out over the hard parts. So, Lexapro has done for me exactly what it is supposed to. It makes me feel more like myself. And it really helps with coming to terms with my infertility. I still get sad about that but not a retreat from life sad. There are a few side effects that aren’t great, but at this point they are worth the sacrifice for the good effects. One of those is that I don’t really cry when people would normally cry or when I would have cried in the past. But, I am really okay with that. It’s just a weird thing. I like it to my c section scar. It still feels weird there, but it was worth it!
Now, onto Fitness update:
I feel like I am on point with fitness. I love my gym, I love my group fitness classes, and I love my at home workouts. I am not consistent with morning workouts but I always make it to the gym at least three times a week, and workout out at least five times a week. I can definitely see my body changing and my muscles forming. I love feeling strong. And I love doing a mix of strength training and cardio. Beth FS said to me a few months ago, when I was struggling this summer, “You will never be a person who doesn’t go to the gym.” And that phrase plays in my head as sort of a mantra and encouragement when there’s a day I can’t go, or if I have a few days where workouts don’t happen. So, overall, this year, my fitness has been off da charts compared to my past.
This is still my hardest fight. It is a daily struggle. I have tried many different ways of eating and through it I’ve realized I am not somebody who can do a diet that restricts certain foods. I can not do a diet that is too detailed with macros quite yet. I can not do a super low calorie diet. I’ve been listening to the podcast Half Size Me for years and it has so many experts and people with weight loss experience on it, including the host who lost 170 lbs and has kept it off for 5 years. I am taking her advice right now and just doing a small cut in calories and just going down little by little. I am using myfitnesspal combined with my Fitbit and just trusting it. You see, if I lost 50 lbs by Jan 2 for my group at the gym I would get my 50 dollars back that I paid to be in the group. I started stressing about getting that and that led me to a week and a half of binging every evening! So, I finally just had a talk with myself and said, it’s okay if I don’t lose the weight by the deadline. I am doing a great job, persevering and I need to go at my own pace. And ever since I let go of that goal, I have been doing GREAT! I try to get a certain amount of protein, and I try to get 5 servings of fruits and veggies. Other than that I just use my calorie counter with a slight cut.
So, this is what’s going on with my journey. I am super happy that this is the first January where I will just be continuing this goal and not starting over. I am really going to focus on the holidays being about time spent together and not the food.
I hope everybody had a great weekend! My brother and his family are in town so I am soaking up family time. My cousin Bridget is coming to my parents today so I am super excited about that!!
Peace out, friends.